As the Dodgers Said in 1957
Guy #1: (howls like an animal)Guy #2: (makes owl noise and starts hooting)Group of people, including guys #1 and #2: (all start making animal calls, screams, hoots etc)Man #1 on train: Shut the fuck...
View ArticleThere’s No Crying in Wednesday One-Liners!
Conductor: This is Willets Point/Shea Stadium. You know, home of the other team. (passengers laugh) You may laugh, but we all know no one really likes the Mets. Anyhoo, have a nice day, everyone. Stand...
View ArticleWednesday, with a One-Liner Chaser
Female day-drinking tourist: Oh shit, I left my vodka in the church! –Outside Trinity Church Man on cell: If it’s possible to ferment it, we have fermented it. –7th St b/w 2nd & 3rd Ave Middle-aged...
View ArticleThe Sum Of All Wednesday One-Liners
Woman on cell: And when my brother got near him, his poop came out. That’s how scared he was. –107th & Broadway Woman on cell: So yeah, they are really scary, like if you walk in the house they...
View ArticleOkay, Now You’re Just Bragging.
Old man: I’m picking up a big-legged woman in Stamford. Conductor: Oh, that’s good. Old man: Yeah, she’s 300 pounds. Conductor: Okay. Old man: Yes. A very large woman is waiting for me in Stamford....
View ArticleGood Work, Citizen– We’ll Take It from Here!
Little girl with brand new doll: Mommy, what should I name her? I think I’ll name her “Pussy”! Mother: Uh! Little girl: Pussy! Like “pussycat”! Mother: Okay… maybe we should think of a different name!...
View ArticleThe Technicolor Yawn Of Wednesday One-Liners
Conductor: Vomiting is prohibited on this train. Please, no vomiting on this train. –LIRR Conductor: There are only three reasons for an empty train car. A) it smells. B) it’s hot. C) someone threw up....
View ArticleWednesday One-Liners Like to Move It, Move It!
Conductor: Ladies and gentlemen, we are being delayed by a stalled train directly behind us. We hope to be moving shortly. Once again, ladies and gentlemen, we are being delayed by a train directly...
View ArticleWhat’s a Nice Wednesday Like You Doing in a One-Liner Like This?
Creepster to woman with child entering train: You can sit here. There’s no reason to be standing when you have a child with you. (woman sits) Not to sound creepy, but the view was much better when you...
View ArticleThe Closest M.J. Would Ever Come to Saying “I’m Gay”
Bus driver, upon seeing a rainbow: Out the right side there is a beautiful rainbow. Man in the back of the bus: Michael Jackson did that! He probably starting singing “over the rainbow” and God made...
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